Ask The Answer Cat

Have your questions answered by our resident feline expert. Maverick C. has been a spoiled tabby cat for the last decade (don’t ask how old that is in cat years – he won’t tell). If you want insight into the mind of your pet, don’t ask a human, ask a cat.

My male cat scratches at the door and yowls nightly keeping me up all night. I don't want to let him out because of cold weather and other dangers. Any suggestions to get him to do less scratching at the door and more snuggling in my bed?
nricci27@aol.com

AC: Sprinkle some catnip on your sheets, put on a sexy nightie and dab some tuna juice behind your ears and you won't be able to keep your cat out of your bed.

The Answer Cat receives numerous medical questions such as this one:

My Cat Margie is a 10 year old Calico. She has many wounds on her back and patches of fur missing on her back. I need help! What should I do?! (besides putting her to sleep).
LastNinjaMaster@aol.com

AC: Here is my answer to all of you: You should take your cat to the vet for medical treatment immediately and then you should make a vow never to adopt another animal You are clearly incapable of caring for an animal and do not deserve their companionship. Don't be surprised if you find yourself on an upcoming episode of Animal Precinct.

I am currently involved in dealing with a claim for damage allegedly caused by a pet cat causing a large, sealed tin of paint to be knocked over. I hope that you will be able to offer some guidance to assist me in my future dealings with this matter. I look forward to receiving your response in due course.

mike.marriott@uk.cunninghamlindsey.com

AC: My good fellow, I so do hope that this reply reaches you in due course (whatever that may be). The purported feline felon is innocent until prove guilty in a court of natural law. Does your employer actually pay you to surf the internet and write to cats? Watch your back, Answer Cat is sending his resume to your employer.

It seems so funny but every time my cats hear me go to the bathroom and I'm on the toilet they come from anywhere and must rub against my leg. Why?
Pamjan@optonline.net

AC: I suspect because you have not closed the bathroom door like a decent human being.

I have two new cats that came from a shelter. I live in a rural area and I am afraid to let them outside for fear they will get lost or run away. How can I get my cats used to the outside of my home and what can I do to assure myself that they will not run away?
mrsc444@hotmail.com

AC: Please keep your cats indoors or return them to the shelter. When you adopt a cat you are supposed to take the cat into your home to live with you. Usually shelters will not allow you adopt a cat unless you promise to keep the cat indoors.

Getting some long overdue recognition, The Answer Cat leaves his paw and butt prints at Graumann's Chinese Theater.

I think my cat Frost is pregnant. How do I tell if she is pregnant?
dalida1@bigpond.com

AC: If your cat suddenly starts craving pickles and ice cream she may be pregnant but you won't know for sure until you take her to the vet.

My cat wakes me up at 4:30 every morning. I'm tired all the time.
megtenny@hotmail.com

AC: If you know you have to get up at 4:30 you should get to sleep early.

What should I do when my cat starts to salivate?
acsangel127@hotmail.com

AC: Run for your life!

My 5 year old calico kitty is psycho. If she doesn't get fed the food she likes or at the time she likes, she goes around the house knocking things onto the floor or pulling the blinds away from the window and letting them bang back and forth.
delvis@bellsouth.net

AC: Is it too much to ask for you to feed her the food that she likes at the time that she likes? Why would you feed her food that she does not like anyway? Don't you feed her at the same time every day? C'mon and get your act together, would you?

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The Answer Cat reserves the right to edit submissions so that they resemble coherent, literate queries.

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